Okay

So I cannot count the times that I have "started over". Starting over has been a theme, whether it's regarding weight loss...keeping a journal...a knitting project, you name it.

In my life, weight has always been (or at least it feels that way) something that I have struggled with. There are many reasons for this and I have decided that I will not be posting them here. For one, I don't wish to dwell on things that in essence are excuses, sob stories or the like. The other is that if someone does read this I do not want put anyone to sleep. I suspect topics may come up from time to time as I post and that's fine, but I didn't want to begin with BS.

When I first moved to Iowa in May 2007, I had just had major surgery a few months prior, I was fresh out of a relationship and ready to begin life in a new city. I was motivated. I began to work out, I began going to weight watchers in June or July and by December had whittled my way down to a size 4 and 130 lbs. The lightest I had EVER been in my life. I worked out 6 days a week, ate relatively healthy and enjoyed my indulgences of beer and dinners out. I will be honest in saying that I was insanely proud of myself, I felt fantastic and was pretty darn confident.

I met the love of my life in December 2007 and everything changed. As it happens when you first begin dating someone, you want to spend as much time with that person as possible. My workouts went from 6 days a week to maybe 4 and as time went on, I was hardly working out at all. Inspiration (seeing a photo of us when we first met) or Frustration (having clothes no longer fit) would push me to make a half-hearted attempt at working out again but the result would be more sporadic.

My eating changed too. Many nights out for happy hour, appetizers and/or dinner. It was like I was in college all over again. I still say to this day, I had a lot of fun putting the weight back on.

Here I am, 2010 and I weigh the same that I did in 2007 when I moved to Iowa. I am so tired of feeling like crap about myself. Tired of being back at the point where I have to figure out what sweater I am wearing with my outfit because I feel too self-conscious to go without it. I have once again, reached my F-ing limit.

Time to get my ass in gear, big time.

Here are my goals and/or requirements for myself:

1. To remain positive. Losing weight is challenging and I would be silly to think otherwise. I will think of at least 1 positive choice that I made that day. I will try to post them as much as possible on this blog. Might as well start now, today I made the right choice and did NOT eat a donut that was in the breakroom. I also swapped out the chips in my lunch for baby carrots; go me!

2. My weight goal is 135 lbs. I have set smaller, short term goals for myself as well. I will focus on the smaller mostly but that larger goal will always be in my mind.

3. I will work out a minimum of 4 days a week. My ultimate goal will be 6 days but I am establishing a minimum for myself.

4. I will keep a food journal, I am focusing on a hand-written journal but I may share it online as well.

5. Alcohol is limited to consumption on Friday - Sunday only. Without sounding like an alcoholic, it's not like I get drunk daily. But I have found that from time to time I'll have a beer with dinner or a glass of wine while relaxing with Nick after a hard day at work. It's empty calories that I can avoid during the week. *The exception: a major holiday, because St. Patrick's Day isn't always on a weekend.

6. I will establish a minimum blog posting criteria of once a week. Simply put, I won't blog every day. I just know I won't. I will blog as much as I want but I don't want to promise something and fall short. I know that my blog will often be devoid of photos because well, I am frankly bad at uploading them from my camera...mostly because it's not convenient.

That's all that I can think of at the moment but I know that things will be added or amended in the future. Just so I am clear. I won't always blog about diet and exercise. Sometimes I will talk about movies, my dog, trips that Nick & I take together...in essence about life in general.

Feel free to comment, if I know you're watching there is more accountability and that's always a good thing. :-)